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Saturday, June 19, 2010

So much to say....just so so so so much....

Well, Momma Drama has had quite the blog absence, all of it is necessary, but I have a few minutes so I am taking them.

Reason for blog....silence. (chirp!)

I am working on an aggressive (read CRAZY INSANE, INHUMANE!!!!!!) writing deadline, freelancing (Working for a Tyrant!!!!!)

I am a single parent to Big Diva (beautiful drama) and Little Diva (beautiful energy)

I am moving (OUT OF MY MIND....HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS???) so you may have gathered...we are busy (NEED A SUPER HERO BUSY!)

But....here is the recap...for the curious.

First. Burning. Question.

WHY ARE WE MOVING??? ARE YOU MOVING...WHY?????

Well. Okay. This is deep...settle in...be one with the deepness.

Indya is about to be adopted (SCREAM FOR JOY! Dance around!) Her birth mom had appealed TPR but we recently found out that the appeal was denied (don't stop dancing...whoop whoop!). Well, first I received a phone call from prison. I did not accept the charges (all inmate calls are collect calls) BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That phone call meant that Birth Mom or Birth Grandma (also in the same prison) HAVE MY PHONE NUMBER. After a few calls to Social Workers (Now officially our friends :-) ALL THREE OF THEM, Private agency worker, DCFS Worker, Adoption Worker, now all officially part of the family and ladies if you are reading this. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU...more on them later...can I hear a WHOOP WHOOP!) So after making choice calls...it was decided I change my number...no biggie...move on.

Next day....

I GET A LETTER FROM PRISON IN THE MAIL!!!!!! Now. The Letter. Is sad, it is poignant and it is hard to read. It is written by a woman losing her child, it implores, pleads, assumes we are now a family, her first and only child will remain in her life, and expresses that the one and only picture she has (you gave her) is her reason for living...It's a letter that tears an adoptive mom's soul. It is a letter that speaks to the unspoken truth in adoption. It talks about and reveals THE LOSS! Your angel, your little Boo Bear, your light...is dimmed if not extinguished for another...and it haunts you. How can it not. So having the letter is vital to my child, BUT...having it means. Both the birth mom and her mother (both in jail for violent crimes) have YOUR ADDRESS, both have boundary issues and both are expecting to see their child. I have a valid suspicion who gave them this information and it still goes back to MY ERROR. I gave my info to the God mom of the birth mother and I believe (as she promised) that she is trying to make our lives as complicated as possible as she did ALL in her power to take Indya from us. Now that we are moments away from Indya's adoption I can say, I have never seen such an ugly display of greed in my life! She wanted my daughter (bmom's daughter) at all costs and thank you YOU...(add a severe expletive crudely describing a woman's sexual organ), you did cost us a ton!!! From my sis and her husband who shelled out a huge sum of money for a lawyer to my having to pick up my life and move...little miss witch...you didn't win, but you sure got your digs in.

So...being that it is now unsafe to stay were we are...we are moving. This is the advice of all involved and in the best interest of my children. I am excited...but sad/scared. I have to say thanks to God, I found a beautiful townhouse in just ONE DAY. I cannot believe I found a place so fast...I just can't!!!!! That almost never happens in Los Angeles, you have to sift through so much to find the right place, especially at my price point. But I had to be out by next month as birth gma is out of prison next month and I think that she'll be pretty unhappy with the "open" adoption I have arranged.

So...we are leaving and I must say it is with heavy heart. Not only am I leaving a place we have loved, but I am leaving friends and "family" we have collected here. The good news is, one of my social workers turned sister is moving into our place... in a way it is a win for all of us. I told "The Perfect Family" today and they were sad...we all were sad, we planned on raising our kids together...but alas...

I have to say the last time we moved it was bitter sweet as well. We left the hippest place in Hollywood, with movie stars, rock stars and avante gaurds living and partying together. It was a magical place, but we out grew it. Now 40lbs and two kids later, I am as far away from that crowd as a broken down unsuspecting hitchhiker is away from making it out of a horror film alive. However...the blessing in the loss is!!!! The gems in that place stayed and now the kids have a Dad, a God Father and God Mom, numerous uncles and aunts that we see EVERY WEEK. That's E.V.E.R.Y. W.E.E.K for 4 years. I know without the loss and the leaving we wouldn't have "Family Night" and family night has been my salvation over the years and has provided that...an extended family for my kids and I. So there was blessing in the loss and I know that will be true for us again.

Our new place is FUN. I have always wanted give my kids an experience of moving to someplace new and this place has things ours doesn't namely upstairs rooms and a few cute boy neighbors. We are in a duplex so we share our yard with a big family of boys...this should be interesting, I am hoping that we will be able to have "private" public space, but this will be my opportunity to set boundaries :-) The family sounds really nice and since I was researching a move to NY for work (don't ask :-( it seems to be a premature effort on the part of the company..so no NY at least not for now). But through my research I got very used to the idea of sharing a yard. The upside is the YARD IS HUGE...like foot ball field big (what...drama??? yes...but almost a football field...whatever...come visit you'll see) and there is an upstairs, the ceilings are high and we are nearer to our family, there is park within walking distance and a neighborhood pool and you can't throw a stick without impaling a kid...so we are definitely moving to an old school kid filled neighborhood. Big Diva is about to burst with excitement, not only is she and Little Diva's room huge, the whole place is bigger and cooler than we have now...so I'm excited for them, they will have space and kids and stairs and well...a more family like life. The downside :-( we are leaving our weird hip neighborhood which I have LOVED and felt like we belonged to. We are joining the Parents-with-kids-and-normal-lives hood...and I will miss the-parents-who-are-artists-and-have-arty-farty-kids land...like REALLY MISS IT!!!! We may be back one day....I don't know. I pray that our new normal hood has a few tricks up it's sleeve, like PLEASE HAVE A COFFEE PLACE THAT ISN'T A STARBUCKS...PLEASE. So lets pray that the arty farties in my new normal home come out of the woodwork somewhere or I'll...um be visiting our old hood A LOT!

The only other downside is in addition to being cyber incognito...we are going into hiding in our real lives as well. No more land line...no more physical address...no more way of ever finding our location. If you are our friend, you will be coming over OF COURSE, but no one will be using our address. It is P.O.Box time...this is a necessity...but it is sad. I didn't want to have to disappear, but we will for the safety of the kids.

As far as Indya's birth family. We will be having a semi open adoption. She will also be able to write Indya letters and I will send pictures and Indya can write her letters one day. I would have been open to more eventually, but after reading full disclosure during our signing I have discovered that her bmom is just too violent to trust. So no visits.

There is more drama in the Diva/Drama family but I can't reveal it...but it involves a potential new family member (or two!!!!!... :-) but it is not going to be a Diva/Drama baby...(for now...but don't be surprised to be surprised one day when the Diva/Drama's may...well, just don't be surprised...if the Diva Drama's don't have a 3rd one day or I may just get married teee heee...that would be a "3rd" right) but it's not going to be today...and not for awhile, however...there's IS going to...um...probably will be...a(or two) new family member(s)...soon! So this is an exciting (busy!!!) time in the lives of the Diva/Dramas. :-)

But all is good. And tomorrow is OUR FIRST FATHER'S DAY!!!!!! This is gonna be super exciting!!!! SUPER!

1 comment:

  1. I am writing to ask for your permission to include your posts on
    AdoptionExperiences.com and include a link to your blog in our directory. We would
    include a link back to your blog fully crediting you for your work
    along with a profile about you listed on AdoptionExperiences.com . Please let us
    know as soon as possible.

    Mike@adoptionexperiences.com

    Mike Thomas
    Editor-in-Chief
    AdoptionExperiences.com

    ReplyDelete