BYE BYE MO MO
Well we said good bye to baby Mo Mo/Elmo last night. Big Diva, Little Diva and The Small Post Man, were all there to send her off with Gaga Drama and My Sister to take her to her grandparents. The dinner the night before went well and they all made promises to stay in each other's lives, there was joy and sorrow as each party will be leaving a little one behind. The Grandparents will board a plane today without their grandson and our family just said good bye to a sister/cousin...so happiness and sadness. We are praying that as the years progress our bond will grow stronger and Baby Mo Mo will know her "other" family as we have become. This brings up so many thoughts about adoption and adoptive families and the interesting family structures adoption creates. In our family we have Big Diva and her big sister, and Big Diva's niece who have also adopted Little Diva as a sister and then in Little Diva's family she will have her birth mom and now the Small Postman has a family far away too....all of us are of many colors, cultures and communities and all of us are a family.
I think this was the best case scenario for baby Mo Mo as the grandparents will have a grand child to raise, my sister, lets call her Momma Music, will finally feel freer to be a mom and really bond, love and adore her incredible Small Postman and my mom...well, Gaga Drama may be the hardest hit by all of this. However, raising Baby Mo Mo wasn't in her life plan, whether it be divine intervention, intention or plan, she is to forge forward without little Mo Mo in her daily life. I do venture to say that raising a child to adulthood, is a glorious gift and a blessing. However, raising many children through their hardships, fears and transitions and supporting birth parents or family to reunite with lost children, by giving love unconditionally and unselfishly....well that just feels like a level of divinity. It feels slightly raised from the average human existence and rests in a place one may consider divine. So mom...there you are.
Okay...
A MOUSE???!!!
A MOUSE!!!!!!!!! Yes, a freaking, bleeping MOUSE!!!! Now, since moving to my amazing HUGE new place, I have had some of the drama that normal home owners face, namely rodents. NEVER INSIDE, but we have had roof rats on the roof and I have seen a few outside. Its normal. I'm not too stressed, the landlord closed stuff up and now we just hear them scratch to get in sometimes. So I am cooler with it than I was. Okay, so yesterday I'm on the phone with Momma Music and we are just. ya know gushing about our little spawns and I SEE IT!!!!! A FREAKING, BLEEPING MOUSE!!!! Now I am not really afraid of mice, I don't want to live with them, but if I see them out in the wild I don't crawl up the nearest tree, but I don't want them inside...nope! However, this mouse wasn't of the alive variety...and there is the problem.
IT WAS A DEAD MOUSE and it just magically appeared in my doorway...DEAD!!! Okay, so here's the thing. I don't do dead. I just don't. If something dies in my house, IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. The fish were hard enough and it took every ounce of everything I had in me to scoop them up with, what I now loving refer to as, The Death Net and put them in a burial receptacle and trust me it usually took me a whole day to gear up to just do that. And really if it was bigger than a fish, or a small spider or it was any form of roach...it is NOT MY PROBLEM!!!! So I have a love/um.."pissed off at" relationship with God, but down deep, I know we're good. "God" hasn't proven that he is a bearded man or woman (eek) or a swirling mass of energy, so I haven't fully committed to what I believe about him/her/it(s) However, I do know this one thing, I DO NOT DO DEAD...not! So, by issuing this heavily executed proclamation, God has spared me from dead things. So there I was, with a problem, dead thing + me = no bueno! So, I'm on the phone freaking out to Momma Music and she was like, okay my father in law is on his way over to our house, why don't I tell him to go over there and get THE DEAD MOUSE!!!! Momma Drama breaths a sigh..."yes, you do that!" And there again, the universe has proven to me, that I don't do dead things!!!!
Papa Music shows up, with a paper towel already in hand and I caution him that some sort of machine powered crane and protective body armor are needed for this job and he waves me off with his ungloved hand and forges into my very messy (ah, flush with embarrassment)house. I can't look. I.Just.Can't.Look. But I hear...."oh he's not dead yet!" Breath Momma Drama, don't faint....breath. But the first thing that comes to mind is "So, what am I supposed to do??? I don't do almost dead either." No really, the first thing that came to mind was, "great shoo him out, close the door and lets be done with this nonsense." However, the poor thing WAS almost dead...oh that's just fantastic, now we have a moral dilemma :( AAHHHH BLAH!!!! I hate moral dilemmas. So my vote was to still shoo it out and close the door. But Papa Music is a devout Christian and a much braver man than me and said..."Well, we should probably kill it" "WHAT?????? DID???? YOU SAY????? Momma Drama...hold back vomit...hold it, HOLD IT! If I don't do dead, I certainly don't do KILL!!!! And in my own warped sense of righteousnesses, sending a poor dying mouse into the world to suffer and expire was much more humane than ending his life and thus his suffering. Well, while looking for some sort of instrument of execution as Papa Music had instructed me to do, he did the deed and it was over...mouse gone. I am very grateful to Papa Music for coming over to my messy (hang head in embarrassment) house to pick up a dead mouse that he ended up having to kill....what a mess. YUCK. And when Diva Dad reads this story he will be quite displeased with Momma Drama, because, he like Papa Music, and unlike me, is also a brave soul, who would have handled the mouse well....so I fail. Whatever...I know how to fail just fine.
And speaking of Failure....(I am just kidding...really, no one needs to call me... I am just fine...really!)
INCREDIBLE STRESSED OUT SINGLE MOMS WHO I LOVE
Okay, I've already rambled on a bit, so I will try and make this brief. I have three single mommy friends, all of them are hot! All our kids are mixed brown and two of us are adoptive moms and one is a bio mom. We are: DIVA MOMMA (yes, I know another diva to keep track of...but trust me SHE IS the definition of Diva) Momma Drama (yours truly) and MOVIE STAR MOMMA (and she is just that)... okay there are the players...here is the logic.
ALL OF US ARE SINGLE MOMS BY CHOICE...okay. Here we go...
I would venture to say that we are not totally single moms by choice, we may have chosen to be moms, but again, I wonder. As some say being gay is a choice (which I don't believe, I am not gay, but have dappled a bit at being "I kissed a girl" gay as any young hot girl, when I was young and hot, would do) so.... I don't know if we chose to be moms, I think we didn't really have a choice as none of us would have chosen any kind of life that didn't have our own children in it. I don't think we chose to be single (who does that?) I think after a string of heartbreaks, loves, life experiences etc. single sort of happened. Trust me, as I said, all three of us ladies are HOT (me not so much anymore, but I was hot, when hot mattered) the other two...still very HOT! So I don't think it was men not wanting us, I think it was us not wanting the men that wanted us, and holding out (possibly) forever for something better. But, like people who are gay, I don't think living without children in our lives was ever a consideration, it simply had to happen, just like gay people chose/or don't really "chose" to love who they love, we chose to parent who we parent.
So...okay. All three of the Hot Mommas are facing a bit of a life crisis at the moment. It looks like Diva Mom and I might be moving abroad together and Movie Star Momma is just praying to get another gig. Now, movie star momma should be in every freaking movie out, she is so awesome, but she, like us (also richly talented) is struggling. Why do we struggle??? Well the economy is in the sh!tter, that's one, but life says to single moms...hey you! You....YOU!!!! YOU scare us! And we do. We single handedly run households, do errands, chores, build financial futures, coif curls, field unwelcome and welcome stares, fight for rights, wipe noses, get therapy, party, enrich lives and such... Do you really think that we are going to take BS from you? THE MAN, do you really think you can tell us that we can't see our kids and that your stinking job is worth more to my life than Mine!!! No, I think not! We also call out BS, when we see it...like Hey You Boss Guy/Girl, that's BS...I don't have time for BS, BS is not on the calendar and seriously don't feed a single mom BS, we just don't have room in our day, so we will, with all kinds of tact and graciousness, wipe your @ss with your BS. We will be picking up our kids from school and we will be spending weekends with them, but guess what you just hired. A DYNAMO, we'll get done in an hour, what your entire corporation can do in a day...why? Well, hell, ya ever been a single mom???? Sheesh, when you do 72 hours of work in 24, you know how to get sh!t done.
Somehow THIS IS SCARY!!! And I can see why.
So, the Hot Single Mommas are in a bit of a spot. Every one of us has tried for a long time to get work/money/more work/more money. We have cried, but we have bucked up. We wear our brave face all day. We only hint at strife to each other and in a few words masked by Mommy Voices that call out and say...I'm losing it today, or um, inside, deep inside, I'm terrified. We all smile our super human smiles and forge on, knowing that with our incredible talent, strength and beauty this craziness must end. And yet we do face it, our kids only seeing cracks in the fissure but not the whole avalanche. I know that the Hot Single Moms will find their way, but I give a shout out to us today (and anyone putting up with all of it, playing the brave fighter!!!) I guess God/or whoever is in charge, wants us on the front line...who knows. But I love you ladies and I'm glad we have each other.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Ahhhh Man...Come on! What? I'm Patient...No Really...Whatever...Go Sit Over There
So, no word from China...this doesn't really mean much, its early in the day/week and I could still here word and then there is always the question about do I wanna hear anything, cause if I did pursue this...wow, wow...yikes. I did a fair amount of cyber travel yesterday and well, a single mom with two brown kids, might just topple China on their ear. And this, in fact, maybe a reason I DON'T GET THE JOB. I'm pretty proud of me and the fact that I went ahead and outted us right away, so it is up to the Shanghai Mouse, to decide if they are really as diverse as they claim. There are other factors too, but this will be a big one.
But this all brings up a big bunch of questions for me, not so much how my family will be perceived abroad, but whether I should take our posse on the road.
It has been a pretty tough (um, come on get real, excruciatingly tough) year for me, financially as making a living solely as a writer, with two young kids on your own is pretty insane. I have done it, amazingly, I have done it, but wow, I'm not sure how. I know I should have an agent, and a manager and all the high powered help that will catapult me to stardom (Hello!) but that's a whole 'nother bag...one that I am willing to dive into, for sure and at the end of the month when the first of my KamiSama series novels is finally born, after, oh my god...decades it feels.
So...its a comin', but damn if it doesn't feel like an eternity!!!! Oh, wait, it is. I am also up for four writing gigs that I am very close to getting and I scored a screenplay, but um, contracts seem so hard to type these days...I guess. Not sure? But I snagged the gig, yet only hearin' crickets' from the "they will send out the contract and initial payment" guys. GRRRRR!!!!
So, do I, like God Mother Mia before us who is now living in Madrid, or Social Worker, Turned Sister is doing now with her to kids to Mexico or China (GO FOR CHINA :), take my kids on the road, sublet my apartment and live abroad for a year? This is a new development for me, but a serious consideration. I have to decide a few things right now... and these are big grown up decisions I hate to make, but the answer is, unless I get a better income flow, I won't be able to continue freelance writing. Which might be a good thing as I can focus on MY work only. I will have this thriller series to write and other ongoing projects, but to be schlepin', pitchin' and beggin' for work daily will probably end. Not a bad thing.
So, my choices are...go into crazy debt and get a masters in social work, (yes, insane u-turn ahead), sign up with a temp agency and work as a secretary (take a knife and gash wrists open with it) move abroad, live a crazy Bohemian abroad mommy lifestyle while teaching English, save money and return home with a big fat pile of cash and hopefully a few books written. The kids will have learned a foreign language and lived in a foreign land. OR continue to apply for work daily and wait for the phone to never, or rarely, or less often than I would like....ring!?
I hate being a grown up sometimes :(
But this all brings up a big bunch of questions for me, not so much how my family will be perceived abroad, but whether I should take our posse on the road.
It has been a pretty tough (um, come on get real, excruciatingly tough) year for me, financially as making a living solely as a writer, with two young kids on your own is pretty insane. I have done it, amazingly, I have done it, but wow, I'm not sure how. I know I should have an agent, and a manager and all the high powered help that will catapult me to stardom (Hello!) but that's a whole 'nother bag...one that I am willing to dive into, for sure and at the end of the month when the first of my KamiSama series novels is finally born, after, oh my god...decades it feels.
So...its a comin', but damn if it doesn't feel like an eternity!!!! Oh, wait, it is. I am also up for four writing gigs that I am very close to getting and I scored a screenplay, but um, contracts seem so hard to type these days...I guess. Not sure? But I snagged the gig, yet only hearin' crickets' from the "they will send out the contract and initial payment" guys. GRRRRR!!!!
So, do I, like God Mother Mia before us who is now living in Madrid, or Social Worker, Turned Sister is doing now with her to kids to Mexico or China (GO FOR CHINA :), take my kids on the road, sublet my apartment and live abroad for a year? This is a new development for me, but a serious consideration. I have to decide a few things right now... and these are big grown up decisions I hate to make, but the answer is, unless I get a better income flow, I won't be able to continue freelance writing. Which might be a good thing as I can focus on MY work only. I will have this thriller series to write and other ongoing projects, but to be schlepin', pitchin' and beggin' for work daily will probably end. Not a bad thing.
So, my choices are...go into crazy debt and get a masters in social work, (yes, insane u-turn ahead), sign up with a temp agency and work as a secretary (take a knife and gash wrists open with it) move abroad, live a crazy Bohemian abroad mommy lifestyle while teaching English, save money and return home with a big fat pile of cash and hopefully a few books written. The kids will have learned a foreign language and lived in a foreign land. OR continue to apply for work daily and wait for the phone to never, or rarely, or less often than I would like....ring!?
I hate being a grown up sometimes :(
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Oh God What Did I Just Do?????
Okay, it is no mystery to any of you that I am in constant search of work. It is the "joy", cough, sputter, wretch....of freelance writing. Only, for whatever reason and I am really not sure what it is, I haven't been able to score a gig that doesn't have me scrambling every month. I get hired...A.LOT!, but nobody pays well :( and I am always competing against someone who can do the job for less, never mind the quality and creativity I bring to the table...pish...who needs that? Bottom line is...Bottom Dollar. At least in the area I have been working in...
SO...okay.
It was late...
I was very tired...
I didn't want to hack anymore people up and my starlet memoir was becoming a jumble in my head...so I went on another search for work, just to you know...switch things up.
And then I saw....
DISNEY....and applied for a job.
Now, I've worked for Disney before so I thought, cool. I must have thought this cool enough to actually submit my resume and such... What didn't register with me was the next word on the job advertisement, my eyes must have blazed past it, or disregarded it...or something funky, because when I got an email from a recruiter in CHINA this morning....I was a little surprised.
After a few email conversations back and forth, well, I should be hearing from her again soon. EEEK. Now, I'm always happy when someone responds to my inquiries and job submissions, so that's cool, I don't really know where this is going, I should find out soon...but um...did I just apply to a job in CHINA?????
Um...I think I did.
Oh dear...I'll keep you posted.
SO...okay.
It was late...
I was very tired...
I didn't want to hack anymore people up and my starlet memoir was becoming a jumble in my head...so I went on another search for work, just to you know...switch things up.
And then I saw....
DISNEY....and applied for a job.
Now, I've worked for Disney before so I thought, cool. I must have thought this cool enough to actually submit my resume and such... What didn't register with me was the next word on the job advertisement, my eyes must have blazed past it, or disregarded it...or something funky, because when I got an email from a recruiter in CHINA this morning....I was a little surprised.
After a few email conversations back and forth, well, I should be hearing from her again soon. EEEK. Now, I'm always happy when someone responds to my inquiries and job submissions, so that's cool, I don't really know where this is going, I should find out soon...but um...did I just apply to a job in CHINA?????
Um...I think I did.
Oh dear...I'll keep you posted.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Ahhh Baby Elmo :( Until Next Time, Little Love....
Well,
Such is the life of a foster care and adoption. Sometimes our worlds are so filled with joy, we feel our sides will split open with sunshine and rainbows will burst through our skin. And on other days, and times in a foster parent's life, the clouds are black with sorrow...
Well, while I am done with adopting and pursuing adoption (at this time) because the Divas are more than a houseful, trust me :) there was this little girl called...well, okay.
I called her Divette, here...so that her Divaliciousness would shine through, but in truth her name is Baby Mo Mo, or if you ask Little Diva, its Baby Elmo. And in our house, Baby Elmo has been her name, in all fairness to Little Diva who will correct you EVERY.TIME. you say Baby Mo Mo, we call her Baby Elmo so not to stress Little Diva too greatly, you know with all the correcting and such.
Baby Elmo is my mom's foster baby and is the sister to Small Postman, my sister's soon to be adopted son. Confused yet???? Just wait...
Well, Baby Elmo was supposed to go to her Grandparents, but some drama ensued and for a second she was going to be adopted by Ga Ga Drama (Grandma) and yours truly, none other than Momma Drama herself. So you read it right, I was this close **** and this far away --- from adopting another child-ish, mostly, sort of...BUT..
There was court today and Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents...very soon as in before the week is over, soon. Poor Gaga Drama is crushed! And rightfully so, Gaga Drama has done such a great job of healing Baby Elmo from being a scared doe-eyed newborn, to a thriving little bundle of love. She has helped her catch up on her milestones and get more comfortable with strangers, she has loved and adored her...it was The Elmo/Gaga show...and they have always been incredible. I give my mom a lot of credit, props and love for doing the amazing work she continues to do with these children. I couldn't do it...and I know on some days, I think she feels that she can't either. But Gaga Drama...you are amazing and every ounce of love that you have shared with these little people has enriched their lives and the lucky Divas and their cousin The Small Postman are so blessed to have a Gaga Drama as awesome as yourself...and I love you Mom, I really do. I'm proud of you and I'm here for you....ANYTIME!
Now for hopefully good news, outside of My Sister hearing good news about the Small Postman and their adoption of him (which is not final, so any of you who know, know...what I mean when I say...it ain't over till its over...but its pretty good!) so, follow the logic here, Baby Elmo is still SP's sister, Gaga Drama is SP's Grandma, Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents, who are also SP's Grandparents...so the hope here is that one day, even though separated by a great, super long plane flight, distance, everyone will be one big crazy happy family! Here's hoping, who knows what time will bring, certainly more drama to be sure!!!! but hopefully love and healing too.
So, to Baby Elmo, my almost sister/daughter-now niece...(I know weird) I love you little kiddo and I wish you an incredible journey in this life. I know that Gaga Drama will always miss you and think of you and I hope one day the two of you will reunite and share such stories with one another as you do today, with your eyes bright and happy, your face expressive and joyous.
On that note, we had Baby Elmo while all the drama went down in court today and let me tell you it took two dedicated Divas and a very attentive Momma Drama to even crack a smile on that kid. We were running a full Vaudevillian showcase to a very tough crowd of one, but when Gaga Drama walked in the door it was like Baby Elmo was a totally different kid, there were looks of adoration and love, a smile that beamed from ear to ear and coos and fawning, that the poor exhausted Diva/Dramas could not summons out of Baby Elmo to save our lives. Gladly we passed little Baby Elmo to her adoring fan and together they hugged and snuggled and loved. And we cried.
:(
I told the girls that Baby Elmo was leaving and this would be the last time we saw her for awhile and Big Diva, simply made it make sense to her, she didn't really pay much attention to the loss except for empathy for Gaga Drama and an awesome awareness that some children go back to birth families and some don't. I know that Big Diva will continue to process the loss, but in all fairness to Big Diva, I didn't tell her that Baby Elmo was almost/this close/sort of her sister...which of course is a very good thing.
Little Diva was a different story. While she has no concept of loss at this age, she did show so many nurturing signs and acted like a big protective sister to Baby Elmo most of the time. It was so weird to see MY baby be a big sister. Ya know, when you have two or more kids, you almost expect that your oldest child will be a big something or other, and you embrace it, encourage it and exude pride when it happens. However, when your almost-sort-of-mostly last child shows signs of being a bigger kid, you reject it, ignore it and stand baffled by it, as your youngest is NOT supposed to grow up...at least not too quickly. And yet, it is happening before my eyes and I watched my baby, be a big sister to a babier baby...and it was touching and heartbreaking at the same time. So when we told Little Diva that Baby Elmo was leaving, she adopted one of Baby Elmo's diapers and is sleeping with it now...wow, kids.
So dearest Baby Elmo, I am sure I will see you again and I will be your Auntie...in some capacity, you may never know that I was once your sister and remotely your mother, but I am sure I will sit with you one day and tell you about how much my mother loved you and how much your cousins and brother adored you and even though our visits may be few and far between, you will one day know of a family that loved you, that you may never know you knew...
But my heart is most heavily with Gaga Drama tonight as she packs up bags of little clothes and things and says good bye to her baby. I love you, Mom!
Such is the life of a foster care and adoption. Sometimes our worlds are so filled with joy, we feel our sides will split open with sunshine and rainbows will burst through our skin. And on other days, and times in a foster parent's life, the clouds are black with sorrow...
Well, while I am done with adopting and pursuing adoption (at this time) because the Divas are more than a houseful, trust me :) there was this little girl called...well, okay.
I called her Divette, here...so that her Divaliciousness would shine through, but in truth her name is Baby Mo Mo, or if you ask Little Diva, its Baby Elmo. And in our house, Baby Elmo has been her name, in all fairness to Little Diva who will correct you EVERY.TIME. you say Baby Mo Mo, we call her Baby Elmo so not to stress Little Diva too greatly, you know with all the correcting and such.
Baby Elmo is my mom's foster baby and is the sister to Small Postman, my sister's soon to be adopted son. Confused yet???? Just wait...
Well, Baby Elmo was supposed to go to her Grandparents, but some drama ensued and for a second she was going to be adopted by Ga Ga Drama (Grandma) and yours truly, none other than Momma Drama herself. So you read it right, I was this close **** and this far away --- from adopting another child-ish, mostly, sort of...BUT..
There was court today and Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents...very soon as in before the week is over, soon. Poor Gaga Drama is crushed! And rightfully so, Gaga Drama has done such a great job of healing Baby Elmo from being a scared doe-eyed newborn, to a thriving little bundle of love. She has helped her catch up on her milestones and get more comfortable with strangers, she has loved and adored her...it was The Elmo/Gaga show...and they have always been incredible. I give my mom a lot of credit, props and love for doing the amazing work she continues to do with these children. I couldn't do it...and I know on some days, I think she feels that she can't either. But Gaga Drama...you are amazing and every ounce of love that you have shared with these little people has enriched their lives and the lucky Divas and their cousin The Small Postman are so blessed to have a Gaga Drama as awesome as yourself...and I love you Mom, I really do. I'm proud of you and I'm here for you....ANYTIME!
Now for hopefully good news, outside of My Sister hearing good news about the Small Postman and their adoption of him (which is not final, so any of you who know, know...what I mean when I say...it ain't over till its over...but its pretty good!) so, follow the logic here, Baby Elmo is still SP's sister, Gaga Drama is SP's Grandma, Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents, who are also SP's Grandparents...so the hope here is that one day, even though separated by a great, super long plane flight, distance, everyone will be one big crazy happy family! Here's hoping, who knows what time will bring, certainly more drama to be sure!!!! but hopefully love and healing too.
So, to Baby Elmo, my almost sister/daughter-now niece...(I know weird) I love you little kiddo and I wish you an incredible journey in this life. I know that Gaga Drama will always miss you and think of you and I hope one day the two of you will reunite and share such stories with one another as you do today, with your eyes bright and happy, your face expressive and joyous.
On that note, we had Baby Elmo while all the drama went down in court today and let me tell you it took two dedicated Divas and a very attentive Momma Drama to even crack a smile on that kid. We were running a full Vaudevillian showcase to a very tough crowd of one, but when Gaga Drama walked in the door it was like Baby Elmo was a totally different kid, there were looks of adoration and love, a smile that beamed from ear to ear and coos and fawning, that the poor exhausted Diva/Dramas could not summons out of Baby Elmo to save our lives. Gladly we passed little Baby Elmo to her adoring fan and together they hugged and snuggled and loved. And we cried.
:(
I told the girls that Baby Elmo was leaving and this would be the last time we saw her for awhile and Big Diva, simply made it make sense to her, she didn't really pay much attention to the loss except for empathy for Gaga Drama and an awesome awareness that some children go back to birth families and some don't. I know that Big Diva will continue to process the loss, but in all fairness to Big Diva, I didn't tell her that Baby Elmo was almost/this close/sort of her sister...which of course is a very good thing.
Little Diva was a different story. While she has no concept of loss at this age, she did show so many nurturing signs and acted like a big protective sister to Baby Elmo most of the time. It was so weird to see MY baby be a big sister. Ya know, when you have two or more kids, you almost expect that your oldest child will be a big something or other, and you embrace it, encourage it and exude pride when it happens. However, when your almost-sort-of-mostly last child shows signs of being a bigger kid, you reject it, ignore it and stand baffled by it, as your youngest is NOT supposed to grow up...at least not too quickly. And yet, it is happening before my eyes and I watched my baby, be a big sister to a babier baby...and it was touching and heartbreaking at the same time. So when we told Little Diva that Baby Elmo was leaving, she adopted one of Baby Elmo's diapers and is sleeping with it now...wow, kids.
So dearest Baby Elmo, I am sure I will see you again and I will be your Auntie...in some capacity, you may never know that I was once your sister and remotely your mother, but I am sure I will sit with you one day and tell you about how much my mother loved you and how much your cousins and brother adored you and even though our visits may be few and far between, you will one day know of a family that loved you, that you may never know you knew...
But my heart is most heavily with Gaga Drama tonight as she packs up bags of little clothes and things and says good bye to her baby. I love you, Mom!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I'm In Love....not that kinda love, I wish....
I'm in love with my local thrift store :) and their half off days. So we have acquired two bikes, two trikes, a bedding set, a set of five pillows, a beautiful couch, a waffle maker (yummy perfect Belgian waffle kind) earphones, a vacuum, two beautiful dresses, a table and a lunch box....what was my grand total for all of these items over a year's worth of shopping....are you ready for it?
$230...
Yep...that was it.
And the beauty is, I dump off all my junk and they take it with a smile. I love the idea of recycling and also the drama of using other people's old stuff. I know that sounds totally yuck, but imagine another person with another life made waffles in your gently used waffle maker. Was it a wedding present? are they a parent, newlywed, college kid?? Makes a creative mind spin... :)
But the best thing is seeing the looks on my kid's faces when a non-Christmas day gift of Christmas quality enters their life randomly. :)
FUN....now if the same theory of blessing and random givingness just applied to my getting a really good paying writing gig....I would be...well totally stoked.
This :( has been a bad day, so luckily giving my thrift store finds has brightened it up nicely, but it is one of those days a person and especially a single mother raising two alone, just doesn't want to face.
I have mounds and piles and oodles of writing, housework and stuff to do....tons and I found out that I just barely, so-sorry, we love you, :( missed out on a great gig to another person. I know it happens, it happens all the time, everyday and writers deal with it...and I have been dealing with it for five years. I have been the one (weee meee) many times, but this time...this time would have been REALLY nice....oh well.
I will just keep wishing, manifesting, writing and praying that one day...my day in the sun will come...otherwise I will continue to dice people up for scraps (ah, if you only knew)...and be grateful!
$230...
Yep...that was it.
And the beauty is, I dump off all my junk and they take it with a smile. I love the idea of recycling and also the drama of using other people's old stuff. I know that sounds totally yuck, but imagine another person with another life made waffles in your gently used waffle maker. Was it a wedding present? are they a parent, newlywed, college kid?? Makes a creative mind spin... :)
But the best thing is seeing the looks on my kid's faces when a non-Christmas day gift of Christmas quality enters their life randomly. :)
FUN....now if the same theory of blessing and random givingness just applied to my getting a really good paying writing gig....I would be...well totally stoked.
This :( has been a bad day, so luckily giving my thrift store finds has brightened it up nicely, but it is one of those days a person and especially a single mother raising two alone, just doesn't want to face.
I have mounds and piles and oodles of writing, housework and stuff to do....tons and I found out that I just barely, so-sorry, we love you, :( missed out on a great gig to another person. I know it happens, it happens all the time, everyday and writers deal with it...and I have been dealing with it for five years. I have been the one (weee meee) many times, but this time...this time would have been REALLY nice....oh well.
I will just keep wishing, manifesting, writing and praying that one day...my day in the sun will come...otherwise I will continue to dice people up for scraps (ah, if you only knew)...and be grateful!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Edge of Glory.....
Okay folks, this one is for Big Diva....
She is a Gaga fanatic, I never even knew who Lady Gaga was until my (at the time) three year old, came home singing "Poker Face" at the top of her lungs accompanied by dance moves I had never quite seen Big Diva be able to accomplish before.
It is because of Big Diva that I like Lady Gaga....
It is because of my Divas that I did this....
Lady Gaga is sponsoring a video project (promotion) for her single Edge of Glory...so here's our video...
I can't wait to show Big Diva.... :) and well, I'm a little proud of it too. I threw this together last night (after work) and it took a coupla hours, so forgive the cruddy production quality...but whatever, it was a blast.
What is fun about this is that Lady Gaga wants everyone to express themselves anyway the see fit...ENJOY!
I know it seems like it has a bit of a negative slant, but its about bunking stereo-types...very Gaga :)
You should make one too!!!
She is a Gaga fanatic, I never even knew who Lady Gaga was until my (at the time) three year old, came home singing "Poker Face" at the top of her lungs accompanied by dance moves I had never quite seen Big Diva be able to accomplish before.
It is because of Big Diva that I like Lady Gaga....
It is because of my Divas that I did this....
Lady Gaga is sponsoring a video project (promotion) for her single Edge of Glory...so here's our video...
I can't wait to show Big Diva.... :) and well, I'm a little proud of it too. I threw this together last night (after work) and it took a coupla hours, so forgive the cruddy production quality...but whatever, it was a blast.
What is fun about this is that Lady Gaga wants everyone to express themselves anyway the see fit...ENJOY!
I know it seems like it has a bit of a negative slant, but its about bunking stereo-types...very Gaga :)
You should make one too!!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Robbin' in the Hood
So, without giving too much away, we live in a big city. It has nice parts, very nice parts, amazing parts, not so great parts and...(cue Elvis) The Ghettooooohhhhh....Guess where we live? Now, I am not new to Ghetto fabulousness, I lived in Los Feliz when it was...Elvis? will you do us the honor....the Ghettooo...thank you. Eagle Rock and Mount Washington...when it was a little like...Elvis? "the ghetto", less letters, lower case...see not so ghetto. But we have returned...big, bold and beautiful to THE HOOD and while you can ride a Vespa and get to a good part of town in about 148 seconds, our street is still HOOD-dee lah dee dah HOOD!
Okay, let me tell you about our short block where SO MUCH happens, daily. First of all, as stated in previous posts I am one of only 3 "Americans" living in our hood, the other two live on the nicer street and one is an opera singer and the other works for DWP and gives away free stuff. Our side is the Latino side. NO ONE...and I will repeat NOT ONE PERSON over the age of 8 speaks English. The Nice Mommy Neighbor kinda sorta mostly-ish speaks English, enough to communicate about shopping, showering the kids and we work together on solving disputes between disgruntled 5 year olds. I am still not sure she is using her real name as everyone BUT me, calls her by a different first name and I know she talks behind my back, but she also brings me tea and medicine when I'm sick. So my final (fluctuating) assessment of her is, she trusts me about as much as I trust her which is about 78% of the time with each of us ready to throw the other under the bus at a moment's notice. If it came to defending her space, read: growing it by taking ours, or her children read: supporting her kids stealing and lying, then she would toss us to the wind and fight for the right to get ahead anyway she can. However, this has improved over the year and she has actually returned stolen items to us, vs. said they were hers when they, CLEARLY AND IN BOLD PRINT, had my kid's names on them....fail.
However, I have grown to really like her and I think likes she, me. She even said she is bored when I am not here and misses us, as she hasn't got anyone to really hang out with. We make each other food, but usually I feed her kids. However, she also feeds mine...so we share. Her husband is a TOTAL JERK...there isn't anything I have nice to say about him at all, not one stinking word. The only time he has ever even spoken to me was to pick a fight with someone who stole my screen door. I must say I swooned a bit thinking maybe this stoic, wife beating man was softening...but "no" it turns out he has a beef with those neighbors and wanted to strut his tail feathers.
So, we have learned to completely, utterly and absolutely, disregard each other. He does like Big Diva and fancies she will marry his son, (strange on so many levels...which I will talk about later) and he is remarkably sweet to her, but Me...NADA, Zilch, "no le interesa". I was told in Spanlish by his wife that he "doesn't like" me because I am able to provide the same for my family as he does for his and I am only a woman...while this was garbled in many misused words and Spanglish I didn't quite understand, I got the point. So, in order to make peace with the fact that I can buy EXACTLY what he can, as a woman, he tries to make what is mine, his...usually by taking my SPACE as we share a yard. We finally fenced in our area so he couldn't throw beer cans on it or set fire to it as he had tried to when he decided to put a backyard bonfire right next to my kid's (very expensive) wooden play structure. Now I just have to contend with his darn puppy in my house ALL THE TIME and his freaking bunnies, pooping all over the place. Not to mention his drunk buddies stumbling all over the yard....not exactly the way I wanted my innocent girls growing up. It's funny, I like a nice glass of wine, but I have it at dinner in pretty glasses and I DON'T sit in the yard with a magnum of wine and a paper cup and plow through that bad boy until I'm blurry eyed. But Neighbor Dad, he's half tanked by 10pm and this is after taking down a 12 pack. I don't want to get anymore annoyed but I will applaud myself for standing up for our space and my kid's future by tattling to the landlords and setting up clear boundaries. Which include privacy fences that mostly protect my kids from the insane amount of drinking that goes on in our back yard.
Again, I'm all for a party, but if lunch and dinner consist of 24 cans of Tecate...I may just have a bit of a problem with it. However, at the moment, our weapons are down. SO...this has NOTHING to do with the title of my post.... :)
One further note...as if I'm not having enough trouble getting to the point. Across the street and down three houses is the "black" side of the street. All the houses from the third house across the street down are inhabited by black people. They have never once crossed to our side of the street, nor have they acknowledged my kids. Apart from this one awesome guy who rides his bike down our street everyday and waves at the girls and yells "great family" to me...just for the record, I love that guy. Now, I must confess, I haven't crossed the street baring pie, to introduce myself, so why on earth would I assume that just because my kids are black and they are black that we would want anything to do with one another. Really if I wanted to hang out with them, it was my move and I didn't make it. Granted there were no "Mrs. Mayberry RFD's" waving me over, so I didn't want to be the dorky white person who was like, "Hi, I made pie and guess what my kids are black too"...ick. So we just exist roughly 4 houses and a street away from one another.
I will say that within the first week of moving in, I was invited to two birthday parties and a christening on our side and while I feel like an alien who can't speak the language, I do feel that there is a sense of limited "like" for me. My kids are a different story. Big Diva...RULES THE STREET. She is the queen of all...I swear, I am not bragging, that kid has everyone bowing and kowtowing to her, which I don't always think is a good thing. But that's her style she is a leader and damn if she isn't going to lead...even in a foreign language. I do have to pull in her reigns a bit, but it still doesn't stop the Big Diva idolization and worship that goes on around here. Little Diva is just coming out of her shell and is being given adoration, mostly cause she is Big Diva's sister...but really its all about Big Diva. SO....to MY POINT.
Robbin' in the hood. Part of the beauty and sadness of this area is we are all poor. (yep, I'm poor, I'm rich in many things...but money ain't one of them). So, I have learned (the hard way) that "If it ain't nailed down or locked up...its stolen). We are in a safe neighborhood nobody hurts each other, apart from domestic disputes (which suck) but folks here are just poor. Their mentality is...if you left it out, you must not want it, and well, "I need it" so "I'll take it" its not stealing as much as acquiescing stuff that clearly the owner is relinquishing. And if you tell them, that "no" you didn't want to lose your stuff, well, diverting your eyes and pretending that you don't understand, really helps you hold on to your newly acquired stuff.
That being said, this same mentality also helps find AMAZING free stuff and INCREDIBLE deals. I have been privy to some of the best financial finds of my life because my neighbors have clued me into a great sale, deal or giveaway in the area. I have even been lead by hand to freebees that my neighbors have not been able to tell me about in English. I LOVE THIS ABOUT THEM, I am never left out of the good stuff. I have gotten, food, toys, backpacks, clothes, you name it, all given to me cause a neighbor dragged me off to some "first come first served, giveaway" in the neighborhood.
So, I really do love them...and I am so blessed. I feel so connected to this community that my kids will be going to a dual immersion school and will be learning in both Spanish and English, graduating from sixth grade fluent in Spanish...that is so cool and I hope to learn with them.
So, my neighbors across the street lost their house, the bank foreclosed their house after a fire destroyed their income property and they were not able to make the payments. After two years of not being able to catch up on the mortgage, the bank locked them out. They HAD NOTHING... I heard that they were not allowed to get their stuff inside the house and lost everything. So, one day I was out in the yard with the kids and saw a HUGE (the size of a small country) moving van pulling up to the house. I knocked on Nice Neighbor Mommy's door and told her about the truck, as she knew the people who lived there, who were somehow (and I may never really know how) related to her. She called them on their cell and was able to rally the neighborhood together to stand with the stuff collecting on the street and protect it from looters and the moving guys until the family was able to come and claim it. They stayed out there for at least three hours, just sitting in front of the stuff as the movers (also "Americans") were at a loss, not knowing what move to make next. They finally left (but their truck stayed) for a few hours. But every time they went to put a piece of furniture in their truck, the neighbors threw themselves on it, all cussing and telling off the movers. When passer-bys started to pick through it, they did the same. Finally the owners showed up and reclaimed their things. And as everyone in our hood owns a truck, 5 or 6 trucks all belonging to various neighbors showed up and in two loads moved all of the stuff. The women stood vigil until dark and each piece was gone.
So, while I am a stranger in a strange new land, I am grateful to be learning a new language and a new code of ethics. While I don't plan on adopting all of what I am learning, nor will I be teaching it to my children, I did see a five hour span of time turn into a peaceful demonstration of will and determination to not allow Robbin' in their hood and this I WILL teach my children. I will teach them that it is noble, right and honorable to defend another person...even if "The Man" is taking their stuff...stand strong and defend what is right. Bravo folks, I wish I spoke enough Spanish to understand what was happening, but by the end of the day I knew. These poor folks may have lost their home, but you made sure that they didn't lose their stuff too!
While some of this post may have seemed elitist or racist, it is not. I live here too and I am just making observations on my life. Remember, I am an outsider looking in, as NONE of the cultures on my block are the ones I was raised in, however it they were, this blog would be scathing :)
Okay, let me tell you about our short block where SO MUCH happens, daily. First of all, as stated in previous posts I am one of only 3 "Americans" living in our hood, the other two live on the nicer street and one is an opera singer and the other works for DWP and gives away free stuff. Our side is the Latino side. NO ONE...and I will repeat NOT ONE PERSON over the age of 8 speaks English. The Nice Mommy Neighbor kinda sorta mostly-ish speaks English, enough to communicate about shopping, showering the kids and we work together on solving disputes between disgruntled 5 year olds. I am still not sure she is using her real name as everyone BUT me, calls her by a different first name and I know she talks behind my back, but she also brings me tea and medicine when I'm sick. So my final (fluctuating) assessment of her is, she trusts me about as much as I trust her which is about 78% of the time with each of us ready to throw the other under the bus at a moment's notice. If it came to defending her space, read: growing it by taking ours, or her children read: supporting her kids stealing and lying, then she would toss us to the wind and fight for the right to get ahead anyway she can. However, this has improved over the year and she has actually returned stolen items to us, vs. said they were hers when they, CLEARLY AND IN BOLD PRINT, had my kid's names on them....fail.
However, I have grown to really like her and I think likes she, me. She even said she is bored when I am not here and misses us, as she hasn't got anyone to really hang out with. We make each other food, but usually I feed her kids. However, she also feeds mine...so we share. Her husband is a TOTAL JERK...there isn't anything I have nice to say about him at all, not one stinking word. The only time he has ever even spoken to me was to pick a fight with someone who stole my screen door. I must say I swooned a bit thinking maybe this stoic, wife beating man was softening...but "no" it turns out he has a beef with those neighbors and wanted to strut his tail feathers.
So, we have learned to completely, utterly and absolutely, disregard each other. He does like Big Diva and fancies she will marry his son, (strange on so many levels...which I will talk about later) and he is remarkably sweet to her, but Me...NADA, Zilch, "no le interesa". I was told in Spanlish by his wife that he "doesn't like" me because I am able to provide the same for my family as he does for his and I am only a woman...while this was garbled in many misused words and Spanglish I didn't quite understand, I got the point. So, in order to make peace with the fact that I can buy EXACTLY what he can, as a woman, he tries to make what is mine, his...usually by taking my SPACE as we share a yard. We finally fenced in our area so he couldn't throw beer cans on it or set fire to it as he had tried to when he decided to put a backyard bonfire right next to my kid's (very expensive) wooden play structure. Now I just have to contend with his darn puppy in my house ALL THE TIME and his freaking bunnies, pooping all over the place. Not to mention his drunk buddies stumbling all over the yard....not exactly the way I wanted my innocent girls growing up. It's funny, I like a nice glass of wine, but I have it at dinner in pretty glasses and I DON'T sit in the yard with a magnum of wine and a paper cup and plow through that bad boy until I'm blurry eyed. But Neighbor Dad, he's half tanked by 10pm and this is after taking down a 12 pack. I don't want to get anymore annoyed but I will applaud myself for standing up for our space and my kid's future by tattling to the landlords and setting up clear boundaries. Which include privacy fences that mostly protect my kids from the insane amount of drinking that goes on in our back yard.
Again, I'm all for a party, but if lunch and dinner consist of 24 cans of Tecate...I may just have a bit of a problem with it. However, at the moment, our weapons are down. SO...this has NOTHING to do with the title of my post.... :)
One further note...as if I'm not having enough trouble getting to the point. Across the street and down three houses is the "black" side of the street. All the houses from the third house across the street down are inhabited by black people. They have never once crossed to our side of the street, nor have they acknowledged my kids. Apart from this one awesome guy who rides his bike down our street everyday and waves at the girls and yells "great family" to me...just for the record, I love that guy. Now, I must confess, I haven't crossed the street baring pie, to introduce myself, so why on earth would I assume that just because my kids are black and they are black that we would want anything to do with one another. Really if I wanted to hang out with them, it was my move and I didn't make it. Granted there were no "Mrs. Mayberry RFD's" waving me over, so I didn't want to be the dorky white person who was like, "Hi, I made pie and guess what my kids are black too"...ick. So we just exist roughly 4 houses and a street away from one another.
I will say that within the first week of moving in, I was invited to two birthday parties and a christening on our side and while I feel like an alien who can't speak the language, I do feel that there is a sense of limited "like" for me. My kids are a different story. Big Diva...RULES THE STREET. She is the queen of all...I swear, I am not bragging, that kid has everyone bowing and kowtowing to her, which I don't always think is a good thing. But that's her style she is a leader and damn if she isn't going to lead...even in a foreign language. I do have to pull in her reigns a bit, but it still doesn't stop the Big Diva idolization and worship that goes on around here. Little Diva is just coming out of her shell and is being given adoration, mostly cause she is Big Diva's sister...but really its all about Big Diva. SO....to MY POINT.
Robbin' in the hood. Part of the beauty and sadness of this area is we are all poor. (yep, I'm poor, I'm rich in many things...but money ain't one of them). So, I have learned (the hard way) that "If it ain't nailed down or locked up...its stolen). We are in a safe neighborhood nobody hurts each other, apart from domestic disputes (which suck) but folks here are just poor. Their mentality is...if you left it out, you must not want it, and well, "I need it" so "I'll take it" its not stealing as much as acquiescing stuff that clearly the owner is relinquishing. And if you tell them, that "no" you didn't want to lose your stuff, well, diverting your eyes and pretending that you don't understand, really helps you hold on to your newly acquired stuff.
That being said, this same mentality also helps find AMAZING free stuff and INCREDIBLE deals. I have been privy to some of the best financial finds of my life because my neighbors have clued me into a great sale, deal or giveaway in the area. I have even been lead by hand to freebees that my neighbors have not been able to tell me about in English. I LOVE THIS ABOUT THEM, I am never left out of the good stuff. I have gotten, food, toys, backpacks, clothes, you name it, all given to me cause a neighbor dragged me off to some "first come first served, giveaway" in the neighborhood.
So, I really do love them...and I am so blessed. I feel so connected to this community that my kids will be going to a dual immersion school and will be learning in both Spanish and English, graduating from sixth grade fluent in Spanish...that is so cool and I hope to learn with them.
So, my neighbors across the street lost their house, the bank foreclosed their house after a fire destroyed their income property and they were not able to make the payments. After two years of not being able to catch up on the mortgage, the bank locked them out. They HAD NOTHING... I heard that they were not allowed to get their stuff inside the house and lost everything. So, one day I was out in the yard with the kids and saw a HUGE (the size of a small country) moving van pulling up to the house. I knocked on Nice Neighbor Mommy's door and told her about the truck, as she knew the people who lived there, who were somehow (and I may never really know how) related to her. She called them on their cell and was able to rally the neighborhood together to stand with the stuff collecting on the street and protect it from looters and the moving guys until the family was able to come and claim it. They stayed out there for at least three hours, just sitting in front of the stuff as the movers (also "Americans") were at a loss, not knowing what move to make next. They finally left (but their truck stayed) for a few hours. But every time they went to put a piece of furniture in their truck, the neighbors threw themselves on it, all cussing and telling off the movers. When passer-bys started to pick through it, they did the same. Finally the owners showed up and reclaimed their things. And as everyone in our hood owns a truck, 5 or 6 trucks all belonging to various neighbors showed up and in two loads moved all of the stuff. The women stood vigil until dark and each piece was gone.
So, while I am a stranger in a strange new land, I am grateful to be learning a new language and a new code of ethics. While I don't plan on adopting all of what I am learning, nor will I be teaching it to my children, I did see a five hour span of time turn into a peaceful demonstration of will and determination to not allow Robbin' in their hood and this I WILL teach my children. I will teach them that it is noble, right and honorable to defend another person...even if "The Man" is taking their stuff...stand strong and defend what is right. Bravo folks, I wish I spoke enough Spanish to understand what was happening, but by the end of the day I knew. These poor folks may have lost their home, but you made sure that they didn't lose their stuff too!
While some of this post may have seemed elitist or racist, it is not. I live here too and I am just making observations on my life. Remember, I am an outsider looking in, as NONE of the cultures on my block are the ones I was raised in, however it they were, this blog would be scathing :)
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