Monday, May 16, 2011

Ahhh Baby Elmo :( Until Next Time, Little Love....


Such is the life of a foster care and adoption. Sometimes our worlds are so filled with joy, we feel our sides will split open with sunshine and rainbows will burst through our skin. And on other days, and times in a foster parent's life, the clouds are black with sorrow...

Well, while I am done with adopting and pursuing adoption (at this time) because the Divas are more than a houseful, trust me :) there was this little girl called...well, okay.

I called her Divette, here...so that her Divaliciousness would shine through, but in truth her name is Baby Mo Mo, or if you ask Little Diva, its Baby Elmo. And in our house, Baby Elmo has been her name, in all fairness to Little Diva who will correct you EVERY.TIME. you say Baby Mo Mo, we call her Baby Elmo so not to stress Little Diva too greatly, you know with all the correcting and such.

Baby Elmo is my mom's foster baby and is the sister to Small Postman, my sister's soon to be adopted son. Confused yet???? Just wait...

Well, Baby Elmo was supposed to go to her Grandparents, but some drama ensued and for a second she was going to be adopted by Ga Ga Drama (Grandma) and yours truly, none other than Momma Drama herself. So you read it right, I was this close **** and this far away --- from adopting another child-ish, mostly, sort of...BUT..

There was court today and Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents...very soon as in before the week is over, soon. Poor Gaga Drama is crushed! And rightfully so, Gaga Drama has done such a great job of healing Baby Elmo from being a scared doe-eyed newborn, to a thriving little bundle of love. She has helped her catch up on her milestones and get more comfortable with strangers, she has loved and adored her...it was The Elmo/Gaga show...and they have always been incredible. I give my mom a lot of credit, props and love for doing the amazing work she continues to do with these children. I couldn't do it...and I know on some days, I think she feels that she can't either. But Gaga Drama...you are amazing and every ounce of love that you have shared with these little people has enriched their lives and the lucky Divas and their cousin The Small Postman are so blessed to have a Gaga Drama as awesome as yourself...and I love you Mom, I really do. I'm proud of you and I'm here for you....ANYTIME!

Now for hopefully good news, outside of My Sister hearing good news about the Small Postman and their adoption of him (which is not final, so any of you who know, know...what I mean when I say...it ain't over till its over...but its pretty good!) so, follow the logic here, Baby Elmo is still SP's sister, Gaga Drama is SP's Grandma, Baby Elmo is going to her Grandparents, who are also SP's Grandparents...so the hope here is that one day, even though separated by a great, super long plane flight, distance, everyone will be one big crazy happy family! Here's hoping, who knows what time will bring, certainly more drama to be sure!!!! but hopefully love and healing too.

So, to Baby Elmo, my almost sister/daughter-now niece...(I know weird) I love you little kiddo and I wish you an incredible journey in this life. I know that Gaga Drama will always miss you and think of you and I hope one day the two of you will reunite and share such stories with one another as you do today, with your eyes bright and happy, your face expressive and joyous.

On that note, we had Baby Elmo while all the drama went down in court today and let me tell you it took two dedicated Divas and a very attentive Momma Drama to even crack a smile on that kid. We were running a full Vaudevillian showcase to a very tough crowd of one, but when Gaga Drama walked in the door it was like Baby Elmo was a totally different kid, there were looks of adoration and love, a smile that beamed from ear to ear and coos and fawning, that the poor exhausted Diva/Dramas could not summons out of Baby Elmo to save our lives. Gladly we passed little Baby Elmo to her adoring fan and together they hugged and snuggled and loved. And we cried.

I told the girls that Baby Elmo was leaving and this would be the last time we saw her for awhile and Big Diva, simply made it make sense to her, she didn't really pay much attention to the loss except for empathy for Gaga Drama and an awesome awareness that some children go back to birth families and some don't. I know that Big Diva will continue to process the loss, but in all fairness to Big Diva, I didn't tell her that Baby Elmo was almost/this close/sort of her sister...which of course is a very good thing.

Little Diva was a different story. While she has no concept of loss at this age, she did show so many nurturing signs and acted like a big protective sister to Baby Elmo most of the time. It was so weird to see MY baby be a big sister. Ya know, when you have two or more kids, you almost expect that your oldest child will be a big something or other, and you embrace it, encourage it and exude pride when it happens. However, when your almost-sort-of-mostly last child shows signs of being a bigger kid, you reject it, ignore it and stand baffled by it, as your youngest is NOT supposed to grow up...at least not too quickly. And yet, it is happening before my eyes and I watched my baby, be a big sister to a babier baby...and it was touching and heartbreaking at the same time. So when we told Little Diva that Baby Elmo was leaving, she adopted one of Baby Elmo's diapers and is sleeping with it now...wow, kids.

So dearest Baby Elmo, I am sure I will see you again and I will be your Auntie...in some capacity, you may never know that I was once your sister and remotely your mother, but I am sure I will sit with you one day and tell you about how much my mother loved you and how much your cousins and brother adored you and even though our visits may be few and far between, you will one day know of a family that loved you, that you may never know you knew...

But my heart is most heavily with Gaga Drama tonight as she packs up bags of little clothes and things and says good bye to her baby. I love you, Mom!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry. Loss is a difficult concept and foster care is not a "normal" life situation-we wouldn't normally be coming and going in and out of lives in this way and I don't know how one is to truly fully except the loss other then the way big Diva has. It's still just about the hardest life experience there is. But it is what it is. Love to all the Divas.