Monday, May 9, 2011

Flying Solo and Mother's Day and Mothers....

So I read another friend's blog about being a solo parent on Mother's Day (Mommytothemonsters.com) and this means that not only are you parenting alone, but you are pretty much alone, no ex-husband to help the kids get you a gift, no other involved family members (either separated by loss, distance or otherwise) to help you celebrate this special day. She expressed her desire to stay in bed, have a little down time and enjoy celebrating all of her hard labor, love and work to care for her children. And you know...I get it... TOTALLY!

While I have a great family and a great "Dad" for the kids, I don't really have anyone here at home who says, "You know honey, I'll get the kids ready this morning and you...you just stay in bed." I do have an awesome mom who took me and the kids to brunch, but my awesome mom is also a single parent again and she has her own little one to get up and get dressed with. I do have to add that both of our kids did not wake up on time (LIKE THEY HAVE ALL OF THEIR LIVES) and we both slept in (yeah moms) but we also both almost missed our brunch reservations. Thanks to GPS and a gracious restaurant host, we made it to brunch and had a wonderful time. The Divas wore princess wear and were noticed by just about everyone in the room and Mom's little munchkin, I'll call her "Divette" was so well behaved, you could never even believe that she was only 8 months old.

In all it was a beautiful day...and I love my mom for it. My newly-a-mother sister was in Hawaii with her in-laws, husband and Divette's brother (soon to be adopted by My sister and Her Hubs) and they are enjoying a tropical vacation. My sister got flowers, a massage and it looks like her little man, named The Small Postman (long story...but it is a reference to UP their favorite film) is having the time of his life. This is amazing and it looks like the way most new moms should whoop it up.

While my mother's day did come complete with a HORSE in our front yard and a very gracious horse rider letting Big Diva sit on top of it, it wasn't quite the sandy beaches of an exotic locale and while I was a little envious (um hello...who wouldn't be) I really focused on the reason I was celebrating the day and that was to spend time with my mother and the two little loves of my life.

I may make fun of my kids and grumble a bit about how hard it is TO DO IT ALL!!! But at the end of the day, those two girls and all of the little kiddos in our family are just so amazing. My children are incredible people and I would rather be with them than anyone else in the world and Mother's Day always reminds me of how blessed I am.

Big Diva reminded me all day that it was my special day and I even got to pick out MY favorite kids movie to watch together when Little Diva went to bed. Little Diva LOVED being dressed up and it is so amazing to see her starting to be more and more like her sister, loving dressing up, being a princess (thank God for Tiana) and exploring her fabulousness...

Motherhood has changed me entirely, it has changed my heart, my mind, my body and every aspect of my life. Motherhood has brought me incredible joy and always brings joy, but it has also brought tears, frustration and exhaustion and a mother would be lying if she didn't admit, if only to herself, that she struggles at times.

I said once in a another blog I write, that Motherhood is only for the qualified and I believe that entirely. You can be a bad mother, you can be an incredibly bad mother, but even the worst mother, is in charge of everything...at the end of the day it is always her job to be the "everything" to everyone. So imagine being an incredible mother, imagine the work, commitment and dedication that it takes and then imagine being an incredible mother alone... and even if it was by choice and I would have it not other way, I too feel just a little tumbled by the tide.

Currently, my house looks like a guy's dorm...and I'll venture to guess it smells that way too. The kids and I opted to play dress up, dance, paint and swim vs. scrub toilets, floors and dishes. I, however, am getting my @ss kicked today, having to clean it all up, write 20 pages and...LOOK FOR ANOTHER WRITING JOB, it is as if solo parents never get off the ride. So rather than bitch about it (um, Momma Drama, what have you just spent like um... a couple thousand words just doing???) I am choosing to forgive whatever it is that I can't accomplish...there, now, that feels good.

And in the act of forgiveness I will always forgive the mothers who gave birth to my children. Big Diva was able to connect with her birth family and now Flyy Diva, her big sister is a mommy and it is amazing to see life, just heal like that. But, Flyy Diva knows and sees Big Diva's mom and one day Big Diva will see her mom too, not today as it will be a shock to Big Diva, who is beautiful and full of life, just like Flyy Diva. It will be a shock because Big Diva's birthmom is in a hospital with a major brain injury and can't talk, so all the fantasy that Big Diva has developed around her, will be dashed. So me and Flyy Diva have decided to wait until the time is right. But I am and always will be so grateful to Flyy and Big Diva's mom for giving birth to both of them.

Finally Little Diva's mom. I get three letters a month from prison, in each packet one letter is addressed to me and one to Little Diva, with Little Diva's adopted name on it. She struggles daily with the loss of her daughter and after getting letters from Little Diva's Bio Grandmom, I can now see why Little Diva's mom made some of the choices that she made, she never had a chance to be a healthy person with someone like her own mother in her life. I feel a lot of love and sadness for Little Diva's mom and I have tried to keep up and at least send one card and pictures every month to her in prison. I am grateful to Little Diva's mom for Little Diva and I am trying with all of my power to forge a healthy relationship with her, so that Little Diva will have the same blessings that Big Diva has. It is a bit harder as Little Diva's mom can turn on a dime and will be charming one day and cut you with a knife another, so I know that I can't be too lulled by her sweet cards until I see her prove, with her actions, that she can be safe. But that doesn't mean that my heart doesn't break for her, because in all honesty, I have the thing she treasures most and Little Diva is an incredible being and while I am so very very blessed to be her mommy, I know how much her birth mother misses her and so I hope that when Little Diva is older, she will be able to help her mom heal through this....but we live in the moment, so this is our moment.

And thus ends my blog about Motherhood...with one final thought. My mom really has only one name, I call her Mom, before I became a mother, I was always me, I only had MY name and I was known by no other and that was my life, but today, I too am "Mom" and my other name is rarely used, and that other life is rarely lived and I, like my own mother, have walked along a different but same path in this strange land, a land that is always being discovered...now we are sharing the same name


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